10 Laughters

Really..my last entry here was like a million years ago.

I hope there is still someone out there who still read my entries because I am going to continue what I left million years ago...updating my blog.

To start with, today am going to share with you some jokes i actually extracted from Reader's Digest, my favorite all time magazine.

1. So Satisfying

"Where do you want this huge roll of bubble wrap?"
:Just pop it in the corner," he replied.
It took me three hours.
- RD Jan 2013, pg 51

2. Snailed it

I wanted my snail to move faster, so I removed his shell. But it had the opposite effect because he seems more sluggish
- RD March 2016, pg 40

3. A mathematician wanders back home at 3 am and proceeds to get an earful from his wife. "You're late!" she yells. "You said you'd be home by 11.45!" "Actually," the mathematician replies cooly," I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
- RD Oct 2014, pg 74

4. Age: thirty to fortyish

Overheard in the HR departments: "I need my birth date to log on to my onine benefits information. But I can't remember what year I pretended I was born when you hired me."
- RD March 2013, pg 59

5. Flat-earthers abroad

My husband and I were walking along a beach in Spain with two of our friends, when one of them stopped and looked up to the sky. She asked if the sun in Spain was the same one we get at home. My husband winked at me and proceeded to tell her that it wasn't - that the sun in Spain was much hotter than our sun.
As she nodded her understanding, we all had to try hard not to laugh. She then announced that she also knew it was a different moon, as it was different shape to the one we had before we came away.
We all kept this going for a good couple of months until we finally had to tell her the truth.
- RD Jan 2016

6. A guy walks into a bar and orders two beers. The bartender looks at him curiously. "One's for me," the man explains. "The other is for my poor, sickly brother back in the old country. He's barely hanging on." The bartender nods sympathetically and pours him two pints of beer. This goes on for most of the night and the one after that.
After about a week of drinking two beers at a time- one for him, one for his sickly brother - the man comes into the bar looking particlarly downhearted and orders just one beer. "It's your brother, isn't it?" the barman says solemnly. "No, nothing wrong with him," the man says, shrugging. "It's me. I've given up drinking."
- RD May 2009, pg 54.

7. Young Love

Lonely hearts ad from the Inverness Courier:"Loving and trustworthy male, 3 yr old, a bit shy, blue eyes, enjoy gardening, going away weekends, walking and films, WLTM a female for romance."
- RD May 2009, pg 53.

8. We'll call you

It's tough enough landing a job. Try not to commit these interview gaffes, as reported by actual hiring managers:
>> "The candidate arrived in a catsuit."
>>"The candidate sent his sister to interview in his place."
>> "A job applicant came in for interview with cockatoo on his shoulder."
>> "An individual applied for a customer-service job, and when asked what he might not like about his job, he said, 'Dealing with people.'"
- RD Nov 2012, pg 83.

9. Tales from emergency: stories doing the rounds in hospital casualty departments

>> "A patient came into the emergency department at 0400 with no complaints. He said,'I have been having chest pains for four months but I am not having chest pains now. The reason I'm here now is because I heard that 4am is the best time to come because there are not many people.'"
>> "Had a woman call an ambulance because she had deja vu in the shower and got ervous."
>> "Got a frantic call from a woman who claimed she had overdosed and needed helpimmediately. We arrived on the scene, and she handed us an empty mints container saying she ook them all. That night she learned that you cannot overdose on mints."
- RD Jul 2016, pg 92

10. Plane stupid

British Airline Jet2 recently shared some of the surprising questions which ahve been asked of its flight attendants:

"Can you ask the crew to fly lower as my wife is scared of heights?"
"How do you wind the window down?"
"What's in the am and cheese sandwich?"
"I've forgotten something. Can we turn around?"
"Where are we?"
"Do you know the latest cricket results?"
"The pilot said we're landing ahead of schedule. Is that Spanish or UK time?"
-RD Jan 2016

I hope you have enjoyed the jokes as much as I have!

Cheers!

7 Steps to Achieve the Right Weight

Been a long time since i last wrote anything here. Time constraint is perhaps the best reason for my absence here in the blog. I am back today, yeah!

Let me share with you this information. Perhaps many have already practised them. Good if you have. Otherwise, let's try this :

1. Eat well. Eat more vegetables, whole grains, fruits, nuts, yoghurt. 

2. Shrink the plate. This is to trick the mind into thinking we are heaping lots of food when we are actually using smaller plates. Smaller plate limits food taken onto the plate.

3. Up the protein. Less protein meals causes us to indulge into fat and carbohydrate thus we gain weight.

4. Go slow. Chewing slowly makes gut hormone to stay longer in the gut thus giving us the feeling of fullness. In Islam, we are advised to chew our food 44x for good digestion.

5. Say NO to TV dinners. People tend to much on snacks more while watching television. So if we need to watch a movie / soap, do not stock up the pantries with snacks!

6. Think back. Remembering what we had at previous meal cause us to take less for present meal. 

7. Follow the 80% rule. This comes from the Japanese who practise hara hachi bu. In Islam, we are advised to stop eating before we burp. 


Being a Muslim, what i hear about the good eating practice in Islam, is further enhanced by this 7 steps which came from some researches done at some universities. The gist of the findings were compiled into a chapter of a book : As Young As You Feel published by Reader's Digest. 

TRUST and Trustworthy

Sharing with you some meanings of trust to some people.

Trust is:
1. Non betrayal - they won't turn their backs on you nor take advantage of you.

2. One's level of confidence in another person that they will deliver.

3. A condition that allows one to rely on honest, open exchanges even if the critique can be painful and most importantly knowing that the other party has your best interests at heart.

4. You earn it over years and lose it in minutes.

5. When you allow your vulnerabilities to be placed in the hands of someone else and are confident that they will not take advantage of you.

6. Is like a beautiful glass. Used well, it will quench the thirst of life. If broken, it cannot be put back.

7. You don't need proof when you trust!

8. At the workplace, there is a need for a build-up of trust through understanding each role, carrying out the work responsibly and knowing that it takes a team to build it.

9. Not a black and white issue. If you can't trust yourself 100% all the time, how can you judge others if they falter?

10. A necessary but not sufficient condition for succeeding in life is to be perceived and recognised as a trustworthy person....any diplomat who is known to lie loses the trust and confidence of his colleagues in other countries.

About trustworthy:

- Deeds, not words, reveal whether a person is trustworthy.

- You develop trust in someone after that person has proven to you over and over again that they are able to fulfil what they promised to do.

- If the person keeps his word even in the small things, he can be trusted. If he can account for small change or do what he says he will do, and tell you things honestly, then he can be trusted. When he does not exaggerate, he can be trusted. lastly, if he admit mistakes and apologise, it is a quality of a trustworthy person.


Source; RD, June 2013

Let's share some jokes together

I have been away from this page too long. Today i am back for a few minutes. And i want to share some funny stories, anecdotes with you. Hopefully, these help yout to smile a bit if not one big one.

Father time

A boy is looking through the family photo album and asks his mother, "Who's this guy with all muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father." "Then who's the old, bald, fat man who lives with us now?"

Two steps forward...

It's a ten-minute walk from my house to the pub. Weirdly, it's a two-hour walk from the pub to my house.

Checkmate

When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him because they figured any guy who took three hours to make a move was OK.

Age: thirty to fortyish

Overheard in the HR department: "I need my birth date to log on to my online benefits information. But I can't remember what year I pretended I was born when you hired me."

Feeling rejected?

This purported rejection of a rejection slip from an academic has been making the rounds online: "Despite your university's outstanding qualifications and previous experience rejecting applications, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assisstant professor in your department this August. Good luck rejecting your future applicants."

Quick and corny

I saw a restaurant the other day advertising chicken dinners for 50 cents. I wen in, ordered and was served a bowl of corn.

Lightbulb jokes:

1. How many divorced man does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Who cares? They never get the house anyway.

2. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One, but the lightbulb has to be willing to change.

3. How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Five - but you should have seen the size of it! Five of us weren't enough!

4. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Two: one to screw it almost all the way in, and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.

5. How many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One: Bono holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

So satisfying

"Where do you want this huge roll of bubble wrap/" I asked my boss. "Just pop it in the corner," he replied. It took me three hours.

Grounds for divorce

The wife left me anote on the fridge saying,"It's no good - it's just not working. I'm staying at Mum's for a while." I opened the door, the light came on and the beer was chilled. Goodness knows what she was on about!

Nearly departed

The locall parking inspector died. At his funeral some days later, just as the priest was delivering a service in honour of the man in the presence of family and friends, a loud shouting and banging could be heard from the coffin:" Stop! Stop! Let me out! I'm not dead!" There was a brief, confused pause. Finally the silence was broken:" I'm sorry, sir," said the priest. "I've already started the paperwork."

F for effort
Some years ago when living on a farm, I called on my accountant at lunchtime to pick up an Estate Planning form. His secretary was at lunch, so he hunted through the filling cabinet without success. I was about to leave when the secretary returned. After being asked where the form was, she went straight to the filling cabinet and handed one over. "Where have you got them filed?" asked my accountant. "Under 'S' for 'Estate'," came the reply. I don't recall how long she kept her job.

A problem shared
Your company's IT department can be your best friend. Don't muck it up with silly requests like these actual help-desk calls:
"Can you come over and plug this cord for me?"
"How do i remove a sesame seed from the keyboard?"
"I dropped my phone in the toilet. Waht should i do?"
"How do i pirate software?"
"My car's cup holder is broken. Can you fix it/"
"I'd like to download the entire internet so can i take it with me."


Source: Reader's Digest.

Find Happiness

Only this morning i complaint to a dear friend that i don't know if i have been happy. How does happy looks like anyway? 

Aristotle once wrote,' happiness is a state of activity.' 

Hmmm...check this out and let us ponder a bit and perhaps do what is suggested and then analyse our feelings:

1. Value relationship. The most stable, longest and contented relationship beat income, education achievement and political participation to feeling of happiness.

2. Express yourself. Singing aloud, talking to a stranger, raising hands...can contribute into self expression and provide feelings of happiness.

3. Focus on the positive. We can test this too. Write down three good things that happen to us everyday for six months and see whether we have an improved outlook.

4. Hydration. drinking plenty of water helps boost our happiness.

And according to World Happiness Report, more happiness predicts better future physical health.

If happiness can be seen by doing these activities or having all the four above, then, it is not that difficult to do and surely i will be able to tell my friend that 'Hey! I know i am a happy person now!'


(Source: Reader's Digest, January 2013)

How to starve your fat cells

I like these tips. 

Fat cells once present in the body will always be there and never will reduce in number. They persists. Bad eh? But they can reduce and increase their size accordingly.

So these are three tips that will help reduce the size of the fat cells:

1. Sip tea before meal.
- a hot drink 20 minutes before a meal helps to reduce some calories.

2. Sniff grapefruits
- scent of grapefruit can temporarily raise metabolism and reduce appetite.

3. Eat eggs for breakfast.
- some studies show that eating eggs at breakfast can cause reduction in weight than those who ate a few slices of toast.
- also protein and fibre-rich breakfasts can lower levels of hunger hormones later on in the day.

Let us all try.

(Source of information: Reader's Digest, March 2013)

Lose that stress and so lose that belly fat!

Hey! Its been a long while since i last wrote anything in here. Today i found something new to share with you. I have been trying to lose some belly fat for sometimes already. I do aerobic exercises and now starting on a low carbohydrate diets as well. Then i found this information that really surprised me. I can do all those exercises and dieting but if i continue to allow stress be in my workbook as well, then everything i do might as well go down the drain.

Information i gathered from 'Shape' magazine says so.

It says that, whenever we have stress, the cortisol level in our body will increase. Cortisol causes more fat to be deposited in the abdominal area as they are more cortisol receptors at that area.

So what is cortisol?

Cortsiol is a stress hormone. It is a steroid hormone produced by our body whenever we feel stress up. It actually helps to produce glucose in out body using different resources apart from carbohydrates...it should be good. However prolonged high cortisol level may cause craving for comfort food and overeating. Too much cortisol in the blood too will reduce our immune response. 

No wonder, stress is one of the contributors for many diseases. And....chronic high cortisol levels also kill neurons in the brain and interfere with production of feel good chemicals (serotonin and dopamine) leading to depression and more stress.

So, in short, we have to control our stress level hence controlling level of cortisol. This will help us turn away from comfort food, and yes, helps reduce belly fat.

'Shape' also suggests six simple ways to shrink stress (excerpt from David D Burns, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy):

1. Eat more foods rich in Omega-3 fats
2. Do vigorous walk or bike ride.
3. Go on Mediterranean Diet
4. Relax everyday...deep-belly breathing, meditation, muscle relaxing therapy.
5. Limit stress-fueled noshing
6. Think positively

Let us all stay away from stress and have that fantastic abs!